Weasley's Wizards Always Wheeze
by LilyLouGryffindor
Summary: When Fred and George finally submit to their desires, they are found in compromising positions by many people. This doesn't discourage their love, instead, they embrace it. Crack!fic. Slash. Light smut. Incest. A collaboration between two aspiring (desperate) fanfic authors.
1. Ron

**_A Fred and George Crackfic_**

 **A Crackfic Collaboration**

 **By LilyLouGryffindor & TheDarkLadyOfSlytherin**

 **Author's Note: I am not a weirdo. Please trust me on this. This is a story that my friend and I came up with. I will be writing chapters from George's POV, and my friend, TheDarkLadyOfSlytherin, will be writing from Fred's POV. Anyone under the age of forty-six should be advised that this fanfic is more than slightly disturbing if you really love Fred and George. There will be an array of different characters featured throughout this fanfic, so don't be surprised if one of your favourite characters becomes scarred for life.**

 **Warning: This fanfic contains mature themes. Some of these include:**

 **-Incest.**

 **-Light smut that will grow throughout the fic!**

 **-And….um….other stuff.**

 **What am I doing with my life.**

 **Chapter One: Ron.**

 **George's POV**

That evening at the Burrow, it was... it was magical. Fred and I were only sixteen, but we were ready. We were ready to take our affection to the upper-most level. And so we did.

The setting sun spilled over my milky white skin. I turned my perfectly identical face towards Fred's. There was a small bead of sweat rolling down his forehead and onto his lustful lips. My breathing got harder. I took a deep breath and licked my adoring lips. Fred swiftly looked at me, raised a curious eyebrow and bit his lip seductively.

He followed this by speaking in a low tone of voice, saying, "George... should we... you know..." I reached out to his face and slowly stroked his marvellous cheek bone, "Shh... oh Fred, let's go upstairs." Fred grabbed my shoulder vigorously and replied with, "... I don't think I can wait that long." His eyebrows knitted together in a worrying manner. "Then we had better run, shouldn't we?" I quickly lowered my hand to his and took hold of it, but before I knew it, Fred was already pulling into the house and up the stairs. I nearly didn't hear my mother yell out something like, "Boys! Be careful! You'll be the death of me!"

But what I heard in its place was, "Boys! Use protection, you cheeky little buggers." I simply giggled a little and continued to follow Fred up the old, windy staircase. We stopped outside of our bedroom breathing hard. "Huh, man, I'm already tired. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with you Fred. You're just so fit," I said.

"Don't you worry your pretty little face, George," he replied, placing a finger on my chest and running it down, down, and...down.

"Fred!" I chirped. "We should go inside first. And, did you just practically say that _you_ were pretty too?" I said audaciously. I bit my finger nail seductively whilst I waited for his response. He just licked his lips and stared at me intently. "...get inside, I can't keep my hands off you any longer." He grabbed my arm forcibly and pushed me through the door, smashing the slab of wood off its hinges. I landed on the bed giggling and snorting. I propped myself up onto my elbows and gave him a signal with my finger to come closer. Fred violently ripped his shirt off. I daintily slid my pants off. Suddenly I had his undeniable force on top of me.

"Oh, Fred!" I shrieked.

"Oh, George!" Fred yelled out in ecstasy.

Fred's sweaty body was pressed up against mine. We were in full doggy style. Yes! That was all that occupied my thoughts, the feeling of his beautiful body on mine. But suddenly a blood curdling scream disrupted the heaven I was enjoying. Fred and I stopped. My heart was beating at an uncontrollable rate. I thought that it may have been Ginny that walked in, but I was soon proved wrong. Panting, Fred and I slowly turned around to find a traumatised Ron Weasley standing in the door frame holding a half eaten chocolate bar. His face was quivering and twitching. I looked at Fred and widened my eyes. He lowered his head slightly and bit his lip. I took this a sign of welcome. My eyes darted over Ron's body. _He was old enough,_ I thought.

"Ronald, why don't you come and join us... there's plenty of us to go around." I smiled mischievously and Fred patted the remaining bed around us. Ron only quivered and twitched more before he let out yet another blood curdling scream. He ran from the room and down the stairs. Fred ran after him and I ran to the window. Soon after, I saw Ron running from the house, screaming and falling over every now and then. But, quick on his heels was Fred, and his athletic body. Oh, how it just ran so fast and swiftly. It made me weak in the knees. The beautiful screams that Ron exerted made this day even more symbolic to me because, I knew, I just knew that I would hear that scream again, and it would remind me of this erotic day.

I watched Fred chase Ron off into the sunset and sighed. _I love Fred,_ I thought.


	2. Percy

**A Fred and George Fanfiction**

 **A Crackfic Collaboration**

 **By LilyLouGryffindor and TheDarkLadyOfSlytherin**

 **Author's Note: Hey! It's TheDarkLadyOfSlytherin here, but please call me Slyth. This story is** ** _exactly_** **why Gryffindors and Slytherins shouldn't be friends. You end up with a crazy, incestuous, smutty crack!fic that no one in their right mind should ever read. I still find it hard to believe that LilyLouGryffindor and I have written this. I would advise you to prepare yourself for a rather disgusting - but not very descriptive, thankfully – chapter. Enjoy? I think? But not too much, please. I don't want to be responsible for whatever…ah…** ** _mess…_** **that you make.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Percy**

 **Fred's POV**

Ron, Ron, Ron. Why can't you just embrace our advances? His beautiful red locks, so similar to my gorgeous twin's, were swaying ever so slightly as he ran. His muscular form was beginning to slow down, his strides shortening, his beautiful calves coming to a halt. Ron turned to face me, his sensual blue eyes widening in horror. "Fred…" he said, and I almost dropped to my knees then, loving the way my name sounded on his lips, his dainty, quivering lips. All I could think about was how much I wanted to reach out and stroke them with my thumb, to nibble on them with my teeth, to suckle, nip and bite until he was screaming my name in ecstasy. While George watched on, of course. He had always liked to watch. And I had always liked to be watched.

I took long, meaningful strides towards Ron, my beautiful, muscular form rippling as I walked. "Ronald, Ronald, Ronald. Such a handsome brother you've become," I said to him huskily, my voice low and laced with lust. I heard footsteps behind me, and turned to see the stunning form of my twin approaching. "Indeed he has, gorgeous," George said, his blue eyes darkening with lust as he looked at our younger brother.

"Wh-wha-wh-" Ron mumbled incoherently. His body shook slightly, and I could only begin to imagine how it would shiver as my tongue pleasured him. _Yummy,_ I thought to myself. All this thinking was making me so very, very hard. I was ready.

Suddenly, the lanky form of our annoying (but almost sexy) older brother, Percy, appeared from the bushes behind us. He began to speak, his high-pitched voice sounding surprisingly delicious when mixed with his delightful bossy undertones. "Fred, George! What are you doing out here? Our mother is quite concerned!" His face was set in a stern frown, but it made me shake and quiver at the mere sight of it.

"We're trying to get Ronald here to…join us," I stated simply, but the innuendo was clear. Percy began to grin, his eyes raking up and down my body.

"I'd join _you_ any day," he said, as he began to remove his plain brown pants. _Woah, what it he doing?_ I turned to my twin for reassurance. George shrugged, his toned shoulders moving as if to say, _why not?_

I ran towards Percy, my hands reaching out and stroking his smooth, pale face. _Oh, brother, sweet, stuck-up brother,_ I thought. His skinny legs were visible, and as I looked further up, I saw something I had wanted to glance at for years. Percy had gone commando, and now his pale, hairy co- I mean ass - was clearly visible. I glanced at my gorgeous twin and he came prancing over, his eyes lighting up with joy. Percy began to remove his shirt, and when he was _finally_ naked, he puffed out his chest proudly, his pink nipples a stark contrast to the rest of his freckled, white chest. I looked at George. He was shaking with excitement, and when I saw him lick his lips I almost lost it. He was so beautiful. Never would I forgot the screams he made that day, the powerful noises he made.

In a few hours' time, our mother would find Ron shaking and muttering incoherently sitting out in the wheat. In a few _minute's_ time, however, you would find Percy, George and I screaming and moaning in delight, loving the way our pale skin collided and joined, the way our tongues battled and the way we screamed each other's names.

Never again would I call Percy a prude.

He was anything but.


End file.
